remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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