How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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