dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
