I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
