never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
