Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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