I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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