Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
