Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
