You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
