new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
