He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
