it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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