Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
