I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A+ Viking dick
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