I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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