ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
