Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
