Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
