I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
