what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
