If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
