I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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