I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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