I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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