You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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