What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
