we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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