I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
