i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
