I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
home. puking in laundry basket.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
