we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
