He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Randomize
