Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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