New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
