I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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