Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
