So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
