so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
