in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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