I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
