my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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