Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
