Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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