we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
