We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
