I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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