i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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