If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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