so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I looked at my own cervix.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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