Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
