I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
